The scent of the rain always smells familiar. It gives this feeling. Some lonely feeling. Like everything around me is some kind of facade and that I actually haven't made any real progress. I don't know how long more I can hold out like that. Tethering to someone hopefully.
Sometimes it feels like we're from different worlds. Perhaps the rain in my world smells different.
Retail therapy is incredible. At least I'm fully prep-ed for the new year.
Someone who's smile makes me feel I've been holding back.
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear
It seems that everytime I come here, I'd be feeling some complex emotion. Human vulnerability. I cannot seem to make a decisive move. Tinkering between black and white. The grey area seemed to be a comfortable place to be. For awhile. Then in the end, you realise that you have to face the truth. I have to face the truth. Sometimes I don't even know what I've become. What I want.
Others may bring in their own perspectives which are fresh and insightful. They say I should take the risk for I will never know if I don't. But am I ready to plunge myself into uncertainty and see what happens? Everything I've painstakenly built. The trust. The friendship. The secrets. Everything else. I don't want to mess up. I really don't want to but it seems like I'm pretty damn good at that.
And so I bury myself in all other things. Putting so much effort into responsibilities that others seem all too willing to shrug away. I willingly take them up. I'm not so sure why I do that. I know they're just pushing things to me but still perhaps somewhere deep within me, I hope to fulfil their wishes. They want freedom. I carry their burden so they may taste their freedom. For I know, I may never get what I really want. So I strive to give others what they want. And that they don't ever have to suffer the kinds of dilemmas I suffer.
It's the least I could do. Afterall, what's more important than helping others. The ones most important around you. Denial is a difficult thing to handle. But I will fight it off for as long as I can. While waiting for that day when I finally pluck up enough courage. It may happen tmr. Next week. Next month. Next year. Maybe not even in Singapore.
Nobody really knows. Like I always believe. Time will tell. Everything happens for a reason.
I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
50 emails to clear in my inbox. My hotmail inbox. Wahh! I didn't even wanna open it up. And I have this strange feeling that perhaps 40% to 50% are facebook stuff. =X
I'm feeling really burnt out. Sometimes when you keep pushing on and on, the fire in you will burn out. And you just need a break. Sometimes I think I need to remind myself that I'm no superman. How do I keep the workaholic in me down man.
And I have so many things on my mind all at once. Yet once I touch the bed, I fall asleep within minutes. Countless times I have left my iPod playing.
I wonder what happens next. It's actually kinda exciting yet scary. =X
If I Never See Your Face Again
You say I'm not your type but I can make you sway.
Makes Me Wonder
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try.
Little Of Your Time
'Cause my defenses are weak, I've no breath left to speak.
Wake Up Call
Oh, what was I thinking?
Won't Go Home Without You
Every night you cry yourself to sleep, thinking "why does this happen to me".
Nothing Lasts Forever
Built a wall around my heart. I'll never let it fall apart. But strangely I wish secretly. It would fall down while I'm asleep.
Can't Stop
And I'd give my life to somehow attract your attention.
Goodnight Goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out alright, yeah.
Not Falling Apart
Try my hardest not to scream
Kiwi
But it's so strange, it's something new.
Better That We Break
I never knew perfection till I heard you speak.
Back At Your Door
Dial your number, hang it up
Infatuation
If it's only a fantasy, then why is it killing me?
13 tracks. 13 selections. A concoction of emotions.
Not emo. Just pondering. Possibilities and all things possible.
I was watching Season 7 of Charmed and there was this particular concept that the Angel of Death spoke about.
Death is not pointless.
Far from it.
Life only has meaning specifically because there is an end.
Death is what forces people to live.
Now in a way, isn't that really true? The knowledge that death is inevitable makes people want to cherish what they have. And enjoy what they currently enjoy. To have a taste of what life has to offer. Afterall, the end must come and cannot be avoided.
All good things eventually come to an end. True. But it doesn't mean that because it must end someday that it is meaningless to believe in the good things that can happen. And to be open and enjoy the good things that may happen. It's like how death will eventually come but it doesn't mean that because the end is inevitable that we waste our lives away. Afterall, there is no point since everything will eventually end?
Instead, what we all do is to live our lives to the fullest such that when the end does come, we can look back and pat ourselves on the back, knowing that we've experienced and learnt so much more. Instead of asking ourselves questions like "what if I've done that" or "what if I told him how I always felt all along". You know. Questions like that.
With this, I'd like to wish everyone I know the happiest and most fulfilling 2008 possible. May we all live it to the fullest and not hold back just because 2008 will eventually come to an end. Rather it's the knowledge of it's impending end that spurs us to achieve more. =)
